Sun, Feb. 27th, 2005, 01:39 pm
lala so i havent wrote here in a while that would be because ive been distracted by myspace lol, so anyways about my weekend, well i went to the olive garden, the mall....friday night i blazzed and drank alittle i had a pretty awesome high/buzz thing goin on. it was great...so im happy i finally get to have a sticker YAY!! spring break is coming up, im probably just gonna sit on my ass that whole time lol jk ill be hanging with friends and shit...my house mates suck i wanna punch marsha in the face lol she is such a stupid bitch, she thinks im bulimic...HA! im just gonna go eat a big bowl of pasta right in here face and be like "mmmmm carbs" lol...well that about all i have to say except.....WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL kyles moms a bitch, shes a big fat bitch, shes the biggest bitch in the whole wide world! end transmission.
well yes its valentines day and i dont really care, its just another lame day...to make single ppl lonely and sad and even if i was still with adam i would still be loney and sad cuz he wouldnt wanna spend time with me...he only wants to hang out now when we're broken up, its werid and i dont understand. maybe the car accident changesd his out look on life or something, idk. guys confuse me. well i wanted to say was happy vday ppl...end transmission...
ps.arrrrrrgggg!!!! that goes to adam! for giving me a delema
Tue, Feb. 8th, 2005, 11:42 pm
well it seems that i am sick again with strep...this sux lol but oh wells ill get better. i could have been on a date tonight but no i had to be sick lol...a date would have been much better...a lot of werid stuff has been going on lately...my sex drive seems to be less then it was before, i wonder if being absitinent would be a good idea for now, idk. i just want a bf, someone i can spend a lot of time with and hang out but also someone whos not expecting sex all the time. someone i can go on dates with and just have fun with. im going home this weekend so it wont be boring, ill get to see casey i bet shes gotton big since the last time i saw here, shes so cute...so im feeling somewhat better then i was eailer today and i think ill go to class tomorrow, which will be good....well im out...end transmission.
well im having a somewhat lonely saturday night...it was fun for a little...today i went to a baskett ball game with my friend nick...it was salem vs fitchburg and of course salem shafted fitchburg 101-50!! LOL and thats where i might go next year...idk there are times when im really feeling salem and then there are times when im not....but i applied to fitchburg and worcester so i at least have some other options...but school right now is good i can deal with it and im now finnaly making some new friends so i like that! :) this should be a pretty good semester although im finding myself wanting it to be done already lol...on other news adam was in a car accident...and hurt his back but i guess hes fine though since hes apparently bowling haha...man he told me that i should have been there taking care of him, did he forget that we're broken up? idk lol i like sex...haha random fact LOL...drinking alone tonight hoping that cliff will come join me and we can play a lame game of card LOL...yeah that would be fun...if he doesnt come over im just gonna go to sleep...this kinda seemed like a wasted weekend...im always doing something on saturday nights...except tonight lol...well im out like...u fill it in lol...end transmission.
Wed, Jan. 26th, 2005, 06:44 pm
im just so pissed off right now, public safety sux ass...they towed my car without beacuse of snow removel and yeah i moved my to the plowed spot so they had no right to tow it and they didnt even tell me that it was towed....oye!!!
i just feel like sleeping in the snow tonight, its cold just like my soul. idk whats been wrong with me lately its like i dont even know what happiness is, it seems so far away...i just have all this stuff im dealing with, like adam...dan coming back into my life or trying to anyways...my own issues that i have yet to fix....theres just too much stuff. i cant deal i think im gonna have a breakdown...i just need to relax, take a chill pill, if anybody has any of those would you hook me up? sit back and take some really deep breaths....i dont feel comfotable confiding in anyone, thats my problem, that i just dont share my problems, idk why that is eaither, probably just because im so damn insecure...i push ppl away when i think they're getting to close, when i think that they're starting to figure me out...maybe thats my problem. end transmission.
Tue, Jan. 25th, 2005, 02:56 pm
so this is the poem that i gave to adam when we broke up...
Let’s Not Pretend
Things won’t work the way we want it
If in the very beginning we didn’t plan it
Let’s both be sensible and see things justly
Let’s not pretend so we’ll never be sorry
Days pass and as I see it, it’s just a waste
If for in fact, we never can seem to face
That things just don’t work for the two of us
Even if we both have each other’s trust
Time don’t seem to come in our favor
And everyday we both lose the fervor
Of the love we thought we could eventually sense
Let’s not pretend if we can’t be more than just friends
We try so hard to come up with something
Out of this dying, fading flame of our feelings
What can we do if the road has turned bumpy?
Let’s not pretend if we’re just not meant to be
It is so hard to let go of someone like you
Someone whom I thought would be forever true
But then even if you try to hide what’s in your heart
It just makes the space between us grow apart
I don’t mean to say that I never loved at all
I really did my best so that we both can’t fall
I tried so hard to make you feel what I feel
But then let’s not pretend if this isn’t just for real
The real reason is that I find it so unfair
For this love has turned into a one-sided love affair
What more can I do if you can’t love me still?
I can’t force you to show me what you don’t feel
With a heavy heart, let’s just say goodbye
You may not see it but deep inside I die
Breaking up is still the hardest thing to do
But let’s not pretend, let’s say farewell to me and you
Mon, Jan. 24th, 2005, 09:10 pm
well adam and i are now offically over...he took it pretty well, didnt seem too sad, well thats good cuz i havent cried once about it...so as jess says "im a single peice of beffcake now!" LOL i think im just gonna take things as they come, no more relashonships for a while...i cant deal with any sort of seriousness right now, im just gonna focus on school and getting a job. well im out, 3 ft of snow in the parking lot!!! end transmission.
Sun, Jan. 23rd, 2005, 03:42 pm
well it snowed for like 24hrs from yesterday till today...oh yes! that sux, like 18'' here and theres like 3ft in salem and its still snowing there. being home is boring i tried calling adam a lot of times yesterday and he didnt return my calls, and hes been away from his computer for more than a day...i just want to get this over with....i just cant deal with a relshonship right now and besides the last time i checked only seeing someone once a month is not a relshonship...i think it was love at first sight and it just sort of faded, sad to say...abcense is supposted to make the heart grow fonder but i think thats if u talk to the person frequently...and me and adam dont even do that, hes had his chances and didnt do anything about it and now im done...i cant sit around and wait for him to decide if he wants to be a good bf or not...well im out, end transmission.
in my ideal life i would be with the guy who cares about me, talks to me all the time, and makes me feel good about my self...but in actuality im with a guy who think hes so clever, he thinks that i dont see what hes actually doing...well i kno what hes doing, taking me for granted...i gave him lots of chances to change his ways, but i guess that just goes to show me how stupid i am...well im done with him, i cant take it anymore...i dont want this. so my ideal guy is there whenever i need him, he comforts me and makes me beleive that my life isnt so bad afterall. and i am so stupid i mean the things that i really want i never get to have. love is over rated. trust me you do not want to fall in love all is does is hurt...i try not to think about it, ocupy myself with other things like school, drinking, and drugs...when im with this ideal guy i am happy, he makes me happy, he makes me laugh...but i have the short end of the stick, so why should even have the stick at all, when all i do is hide my feelings? end transmission.
Sun, Jan. 16th, 2005, 07:02 pm
well i havent talked to adam in a little while...i wanna say a week...it really doesnt matter i think im just gonna pull an andrea and not talk to him, see how long it takes for him to talk to me. cuz ive got other options that im willing to take...i mean i dont wanna jump into another relshonship right away i wanna be single for a while to do what i want and see whom i want...i really just dont think this whole adam and me thing is gonna work out, we're two very different ppl...i mean he even likes rap alot...thats deff. not me lol...ok enough about that.
on a diff. note i have a new puppy shes a golden retreiver and her name is casey, shes wicked cute! and i just got back from spending the weekend at brits in ri...it was awesome, i had so much fun, friday night we went to remis which is a club in providence where u can drink...me, jess, and brits bf went there we all got drunk well i kno i was lol....i drank 2 bacardis, a corona, and i had three shots of this green apple stuff, it was great! lol the last night we just hing out at the dorm all day, watched movies and drank some more, tim and his friend roger was over...idk but i just didnt think roger wall all that cute...well im out. end transmission.
ps. the other adam i kno is really hot!